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Letters to the Editor: Fat Terrorists, Unruly Interns, and More!

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Dear readers,

You are doubtlessly aware that I recently resigned as poetry editor of the Washington Free Beacon. Alas, my attorneys have informed me that I remain contractually obligated to fulfill my duties as public editor and ombudsman of this execrable news blog.

These duties include the periodic disgorgement of Diddle’s Mailsack™ in order to read and respond to your questions and concerns. Most of your letters were unfit for publication, but I managed to find a handful deserving of my consideration. Enjoy!

Faithfully yours,

Biff Diddle

To the editor:

So I was waiting on line at a Publix liquor store the other day, scrolling aimlessly on my phone, when I came across a photo of some Hamas terrorists flying on a private jet following their release from prison in Libya. (See attached.)

For obvious reasons, I did what the kids might call an “LOL,” and decided to share my joy with the young lady standing behind me. I turned around, held out my phone, and said, “Look at this fat f—k. His FUPA is even bigger than my wife’s.”

Alas, I immediately regretted the decision. This young woman—marginally attractive, at best—rolled her eyes and scoffed as if I had just insulted her own mother. “OK Boomer,” she replied. “Like, don’t fat shame? It’s giving sus, pluh.” I’m not entirely sure what she meant, exactly,…



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